Escape to Paradise: Elisabeth's Cozy Nova Levante Retreat!
Escape to Paradise: Elisabeth's Cozy Nova Levante Retreat! – A Review (That’s, Like, Actually Real)
Okay, so let's cut the crap. I’ve seen enough shiny, perfectly-scripted hotel reviews to last a lifetime. This is about real-life, people. This is about whether or not Escape to Paradise: Elisabeth's Cozy Nova Levante Retreat! actually lives up to the hype. And trust me, the hype is real, but it also has some… quirks.
Accessibility – The Good, the Okay, and the "Hmm…"
First off, accessibility. This is HUGE for me, because the ideal getaway needs to be feasible for everyone. Getting around? Well, Escape to Paradise boasts “Facilities for disabled guests.” Okay, good start. But the details are kinda… hazy. Elevators? Check. But how about ramps? Room access? I need to investigate further before giving a definitive rating here. I’ll get back to you on that – need to actually, you know, see it.
Internet – Because We Live in 2024 (or Do We?)
In this day and age, no Wi-Fi is a dealbreaker. Luckily, Escape to Paradise delivers. "Free Wi-Fi in all rooms!" Thank the internet gods! Plus, “Internet access – wireless” and “Internet access – LAN”. Nice. Let's face it, sometimes a good, wired connection is a godsend when you're trying to upload those Instagram photos of your (hopefully) amazing view from the "Room with a View" (see below).
Cleanliness & Safety – Because Germs Are Not My Friends
Okay, COVID. Still a thing, unfortunately. So, I'm looking for reassurance. "Anti-viral cleaning products"? Fantastic. "Daily disinfection in common areas"? Sold! "Rooms sanitized between stays"? LOVE IT. "Sanitized kitchen and tableware items"? Whew, I can breathe a little easier. The hand sanitizer stations are everywhere – a definite plus. They also tout things like "First aid kit", "Doctor/nurse on call", and "Staff trained in safety protocol." This is reassuring. You can tell they're taking this seriously. Hopefully, they actually do it thoroughly, you know?
Dining, Drinking, and Snacking – My Stomach is Ready!
Alright, let’s talk food. Because let’s be honest, a vacation is never complete without epic meals. On Offer: "A la carte in restaurant" (sounds fancy!), "Asian breakfast" (intriguing!), "Breakfast [buffet]" (yay!). Plus "Coffee/tea in restaurant," "Coffee shop," even a "Poolside bar". I'm already salivating. “Restaurants,” plural? Excellent. "Room service [24-hour]"? YES, PLEASE. That late-night snack after a long day of…stuff! There's also a "Snack bar" and even a "Vegetarian restaurant" for those of us who prefer not to, you know, consume animals. The "Western breakfast" is there too, so you won't be forced to experiment if you don't want to. I'm seeing "Bottle of water" popping up, which is always a nice touch. But "Alternative meal arrangement"? "Sanitized kitchen and tableware items"? (Hey! More of that!) "Safe dining setup?" Okay, they're really driving home the safety aspect in relation to the food, which is more than fine by me. Now, the big question: Does the food taste good? I NEED to know. I'll report back with my findings (and maybe a few photos of said food).
Things To Do – Relax and…Do Stuff!
Okay, the fun part! This is where "Escape to Paradise" really shines. Let's dive in (pun intended!).
- Pool with View AND Swimming Pool [outdoor]: Crucial. Absolutely crucial. I need a place to float around and contemplate life, preferably with a stunning backdrop. This already sets the tone!
- Spa, Sauna, Spa/sauna, Steamroom: Okay, they’ve got all the options. "Body scrub"? "Body wrap"? Yes, please! I am SO in need of some serious pampering. This is the escape part! Can I just spend all day in the spa?
- Fitness center, Gym/fitness: For those of you who don't want to completely abandon all semblance of fitness, you know? Though honestly, after a week of the spa, I might just be eating pizza in my bathrobe.
- Massage, Foot bath: My aching muscles are already thanking me.
- Things to do, ways to relax: (they said it!) This is what I live for. This is the central theme to my life.
Seriously, the sheer number of relaxation options is a massive selling point. This is exactly what I need in a vacation!
Rooms – The Sanctuary (Hopefully)
Okay, the rooms. This is where things can make or break a stay—and where I get a little… picky.
- Air conditioning in public area, Air conditioning: Essential. I don’t do hot and sweaty.
- Free Wi-Fi, Internet access – wireless, Internet access – LAN, Additional toilet, Alarm clock, Bathrobes: the basics.
- Bathtub, Blackout curtains, Coffee/tea maker, Complimentary tea, Hair dryer, High floor, In-room safe box, Ironing facilities, Laptop workspace, Linens, Mini bar, Mirror, Non-smoking, On-demand movies, Private bathroom, Refrigerator, Safety/security feature, Satellite/cable channels, Sofa, Soundproofing, Telephone, Toiletries, Towels, Umbrella, Visual alarm, Wake-up service, Wi-Fi [free], Window that opens: The standard, the nice to haves, and the must haves.
- Extra long bed, Interconnecting room(s) available, Reading light, Scale, Seating area, Separate shower/bathtub, Shower, Slippers, Smoke detector, Socket near the bed, Soundproofing: these are things that will make your stay more comfortable. But I REALLY want to know about the bed. Is it a cloud? A mattress made of angels' wings? Or is it just… a bed? This detail could make or break my entire experience.
- Bathroom phone: I'm not even sure that's necessary, but it's there!
Now, the details…
- Room decorations: I'm curious. Is it a minimalist zen? A riot of color? (as long as I like it!)
- Closet: The size of it is relevant… Don't forget to check the non-smoking rooms.
Services & Conveniences – Does It Actually Make Life Easier?
This is where a hotel really earns its stars. Escape to Paradise offers a good spread. "Concierge," "Daily housekeeping," "Dry cleaning," "Laundry service," "Luggage storage," and "Car park [free of charge]" (score!). Important for a longer stay. There's also "Cash withdrawal" and "Currency exchange." Essential.
For the Kids – Family Friendly
Important for the families.
- "Babysitting service", "Family/child friendly", "Kids facilities", "Kids meal".
Getting Around – Not Getting Lost!
- “Airport transfer” (YES!), “Taxi service” (good to have). And the crucial "Car park [free of charge]" because parking can be a nightmare!
I see the following:
- "Bicycle parking",
- "Car park [on-site]",
- "Car power charging station",
- "Valet parking".
The "Stuff" You Don't Think About, but Actually Matters
- Front desk [24-hour]: This is a lifesaver. You never know when you'll need something.
- Safety/security feature, Security [24-hour], Smoke alarms, Exterior corridor: Good.
- Check-in/out [express], Check-in/out [private]: Nice options.
- Non-smoking rooms: YES!
- Pets allowed (unavailable): They are not letting you in with pets, which is a negative for some, but a positive for me.
The Overall Vibe
Here’s the thing: Escape to Paradise seems to genuinely want to provide a relaxing, enjoyable experience. They’re ticking the boxes for comfort, convenience, and, most importantly, relaxation.
The Verdict (So Far)
I'm impressed! It sounds like a genuinely great place to unwind. But, I need to know more about the accessibility. And is that bed really as comfortable as it sounds?
My Unsolicited Sales Pitch (and, Okay, a Discount Code!)
ARE YOU TIRED of the daily grind? Stressed? Overwhelmed? Then you need to ESCAPE to Paradise!
Escape to Paradise: Elisabeth's Cozy Nova Levante Retreat! isn't just a hotel; it's a sanctuary. Imagine yourself…
- Sinking into a plush bed after a day of exploring the Italian Dolomites.
- Indulging in a spa treatment that melts all your worries away.
- Sipping a cocktail poolside, watching the sunset
Okay, buckle up, Buttercup, because this ain't your grandma's travel itinerary. We're heading to Elisabeth Comfortable Holiday Residence in Nova Levante, Italy, and trust me, it's going to be a glorious, messy, and utterly unforgettable experience.
Day 1: Arrival in the Dolomites – Or How I Almost Met My Doom Lugging Suitcases
- Morning (7:00 AM – 9:00 AM): Wake up, heart hammering from pre-trip jitters. Coffee. Venti coffee. Must. Have. Caffeine. Pack the last-minute essentials. Realize I'm probably overpacking, but hey, better safe than sorry, right? Right?
- Mid-morning (9:00 AM – 12:00 PM): Travel to Bolzano by train, then the dreaded bus. The bus… Oh, the bus. I swear, Italian buses are designed to test your faith in humanity. Narrow roads, hairpin turns, and a driver who seems to think he's auditioning for a Formula One race. My stomach lurched with every bend.
- Anecdote: I swear I saw a local woman knitting on this bus. Knitting! Through all the chaos! I wanted to ask her the secret, maybe she was born on a bus?
- Afternoon (12:00 PM – 2:00 PM): Arrive at Elisabeth Comfortable Holiday Residence. Comfortable they said. Honestly, the view from just the courtyard was breathtaking, so I was getting excited. Check-in. Struggle with my luggage, which, let's be honest, is probably filled with more unnecessary shoes than essential items. Emotional Reaction: First thought? "Oh. My. God. This is gorgeous." Second thought? "Why did I bring so much stuff?!"
- Late Afternoon (2:00 PM – 6:00 PM): Unpack (sort of). Explore the residence. Admire the charming, if slightly wonky, architecture. Stumble upon a balcony with a view that could make a saint weep. Honestly, the mountains here… they're massive.
- Evening (6:00 PM – onwards): Dinner at a local ristorante. Order something I can't pronounce that turns out to be the best thing I've ever tasted. Drink way too much local wine. Quirky Observation: I think I saw a squirrel wearing a tiny lederhosen today. I might be imagining things.
Day 2: Hiking (and Arguing with the Mountain)
- Morning (8:00 AM – 12:00 PM): Ambitious plan: Hiking! Choose a trail that’s "moderate." Mistake: Turns out, "moderate" in the Dolomites means "slightly less challenging than climbing Everest." The views though, omg the views! Truly phenomenal.
- Anecdote: I swear I saw a family of marmots sunbathing. They looked smug. Like they knew something I didn't. Probably that I was about to regret this hike.
- Lunch (12:00 PM – 1:00 PM): Picnic lunch: cheese, bread, salami, and the world’s most delicious tomatoes. All with that amazing landscape. Opinionated Language: Seriously, I wouldn't even be mad if I lived on that sandwich for the rest of my life – it was that good.
- Afternoon (1:00 PM – 5:00 PM): Continue hiking. Begin to question all my life choices. Become increasingly frustrated at my lack of fitness. Accidentally "argue" with the mountain (mostly in my head, but maybe a little out loud).
- Late Afternoon (5:00 PM – 7:00 PM): Return to the residence, legs aching, pride slightly bruised. Shower. Collapse on the bed. Emotional Reaction: Pure contentment. I earned that rest.
- Evening (7:00 PM – onwards): Cook dinner at the residence. Make something simple, like pasta. Attempt to open a bottle of wine, fail miserably. Eventually succeed (with the help of a slightly aggressive corkscrew).
Day 3: Exploring Nova Levante (and My Existential Crisis Over Gelato)
- Morning (9:00 AM – 12:00 PM): Explore Nova Levante. Wander through the charming town. Browse the shops. Messy Structure: Okay, I'm not going to lie, I got a little lost. Twice. It's a small town, but my sense of direction is legendary (in its badness).
- Lunch (12:00 PM – 1:00 PM): Gelato. Oh. My. God. Gelato. Doubling Down: Let’s just say it was the best gelato I've ever eaten. I got the chocolate hazelnut. Rich, creamy, and so incredibly good. It caused a minor existential crisis: "Is this all there is to life? Amazing gelato?"
- Afternoon (1:00 PM – 4:00 PM): Visit Lake Carezza. Marvel at the turquoise water and the surrounding forest. Opinionated Language: The lake's supposedly the home of a nymph, but I was too busy being mesmerized by the color to care about nymphs.
- Late Afternoon (4:00 PM – 6:00 PM): Return to the residence. Sit on the balcony and watch the sunset. Emotional Reaction: Pure, unadulterated bliss. Just soaking up the golden light and the silence was perfect.
- Evening (6:00 PM – onwards): Another dinner at a different ristorante. This time, I order something I can pronounce – and it's not as good as the first night's mystery dish. Wine. A little bit of people-watching. Back to the residence to contemplate what the future holds (and whether I can find the gelato shop tomorrow).
Day 4: Relaxation (and Realizing I Still Pack too Much)
- Morning (9:00 AM – 11:00 AM): Sleep in! Imperfection: Okay, fine, I woke up at 8 AM anyway. But I stayed in bed scrolling on my phone for a decent bit. Breakfast. Drink more coffee.
- Mid-Morning (11:00 AM – 1:00 PM): Relax. Read a book on the balcony. Do absolutely nothing. Quirky Observation: This is it. This is what all the hype's about: actual time to unwind.
- Lunch (1:00 PM – 2:00 PM): Leftover pasta from last night (perfect). Eat it outside, basking in the sun.
- Afternoon (2:00 PM – 4:00 PM): Pack my stuff. Strong Emotional Reaction: Wait. More stuff? How on earth did I collect THIS much stuff in just four days? I am going to need a bigger suitcase.
- Late Afternoon (4:00 PM – 6:00 PM): Last walk around Nova Levante. One last gelato (obviously). Say goodbye to the mountains.
- Evening (6:00 PM – onwards): Final dinner at the residence. Reflect on the trip. Start planning the next trip.
Day 5: Departure – Full of Memories and a Slight Hangover
- Morning (7:00 AM – 8:00 AM): Wake up. Pack the bags. Rambles: Saying goodbye to this place is harder than I thought it would be.
- Early Morning (8:00 AM – 10:00 AM): Departure. The bus… the bus. Opinionated Language: Honestly, this is a good-bye to a place I'll never forget.
- Afternoon and Ongoing: Head home full of amazing memories. It was an incredible trip. Until next time - Ciao!
Escape to Paradise: Elisabeth's Cozy Nova Levante Retreat - FAQ (Because Let's Be Real, I Had Questions!)
(And maybe you do too... or will, after reading this gloriously messy account)
Okay, So, "Escape to Paradise"... Is It *Really* Paradise? Because My Idea of Paradise Is Unlimited Pizza.
Look, let's be honest. Paradise is subjective. Did I find unlimited pizza? No. Did I *wish* I'd found unlimited pizza? Absolutely. But Elisabeth's place? Nova Levante? Yeah, it gets pretty damn close. Think... majestic mountains that practically scream at you to take a photo (guilty!), air so crisp you feel like you can breathe for the first time, and... oh, the silence. Glorious, soul-soothing silence. Except for the occasional cowbell. Which, honestly, is kind of charming. It's *almost* paradise. Needs more pizza. But hey, the views... *chef's kiss*.
What's the Vibe of Elisabeth's Place? Cozy? Modern? Did It Smell of Old Books and Wanderlust, or Dust and Disappointment?
Cozy. Definitely cozy. Imagine a hug, but a house. Seriously. It's all wood and warm colours and throws that practically beg you to curl up with a book (which, conveniently, they *did* have... although I mostly stared at the view instead). There might have been a *hint* of old wood and maybe… a little bit of something that could be described as ‘mountain air mixed with delicious food being cooked’ (thank you, Elisabeth's cooking prowess!). It wasn't sterile and modern, which is my personal nightmare. It was lived-in, loved, and felt like a proper escape from the harsh reality of... well, life. Also: bonus points for the fact that everything *worked*. Appliances that *didn't* require a PhD to operate? A miracle, I tell you!
Elisabeth... Is She Actually Nice? Like, Not Fake-Nice? Because I've Met Some "Nice" People Who Were Secretly Plotting My Demise.
Elisabeth? The real deal. No fake smiles, no forced pleasantries. Just… genuine warmth and a genuine desire to make you feel welcome. She’s the sort of person who'd actually *check* if you have everything you need, and she'd genuinely *apologize* if the internet hiccuped (which, let's be real, it did once, and I was mortified by my withdrawal symptoms). She's the kind of woman who makes you feel like you're visiting a long-lost friend. Also, she's a fantastic cook, which is always a huge plus in my book. I mean, the food was so good, I almost considered faking an injury just to stay longer and get more of those delicious meals. Almost.
Let's Talk About the Hiking. Was It Brutal? Did I Need to Be an Olympian? Because My Fitness Level Is "Enjoys Netflix and Snacks."
Okay, the hiking. This is where things get… interesting. There are trails for *everyone*. Seriously. I, being firmly in the "Netflix and snacks" category, managed to stumble through a few. Some were gentle strolls, perfect for taking photos and occasionally pretending to be a nature enthusiast. Others… well, let's just say I discovered muscles I didn't know I possessed. One time, I ended up on a trail that was *technically* a hiking trail, but felt more like a vertical climb. The views from the top? Unbelievable. My legs the next day? A distant memory of a less-painful existence. But, you know what? I did it. And I felt a ridiculous sense of accomplishment afterwards (probably because I needed to sit down... a lot). So, yes, there's something for everyone. Just, maybe, prepare your legs beforehand. And bring water. Lots of water. And maybe a small oxygen tank. (Just kidding… mostly.)
Did You Even *See* any Bears? Because I'm Prepared to Panic.
Oh, the bears. Look, I'm from the city which means my idea of dangerous wildlife is a squirrel that's gotten too comfortable with people. Did I see any bears? Nope. (Thank God.) Did I *hear* any bears? Also nope. (Relief!) Did I feel a vague sense of… *potential* bear-ness? Maybe. The mountains are beautiful, but they can also be kind of intimidating. I may have spent a few hikes humming loudly to ward off any overly-friendly bears. Don't worry, they were probably too busy enjoying the scenery to pay me any attention. (Or, you know, eating somebody else's snacks.) Point is: I survived. Bear-free.
The Food. The *Food*. Dish! Spill! What Was the Delusional Deliciousness?
Alright, let's get down to the nitty-gritty: the food. Elisabeth, my dear, sweet, culinary angel, *killed* it. The breakfasts were epic – fresh bread, locally sourced jams (apple was GODLY), and eggs cooked to perfection. Lunches were picnics of dreams, with fresh mountain air as the best of all the ingredients. The dinners… oh, the dinners. One night, I swear, she served a goulash that transported me to another dimension. It was that rich, that flavorful, that *perfect*. Another time? Apfelstrudel. Homemade, of course. I may or may not have eaten three pieces. Okay, I definitely did. No regrets. The food alone is worth the trip. Seriously. I'm still dreaming about that goulash. And the apple strudel. And, okay, pretty much everything she made. I need to find her recipe for that goulash...and maybe her life. If she could teach me to cook like that, I wouldn't want to leave.
Speaking of Leaving... What's the Biggest Downside? Because Nothing's *Perfect*. (Except Maybe That Goulash.)
Okay, the downside. Hmm… well, there's the fact that you *have* to leave. That's a big one. Seriously, packing my bags to leave actually felt like a tragedy. I contemplated just pretending I forgot my passport. Or, you know, spontaneously developing amnesia. The other downside? The internet. Which, to be fair, is a minor issue. There were moments it was a *teeeny* bit spotty. But honestly? It forced me to disconnect and… breathe. Which, after a while, was actually kind of amazing. Okay, the lack of unlimited pizza was also a downer. But, really, the biggest downside? Leaving. That was the biggest problem. You'll understand. It's that good. The sheer serenity of the place. It's… well, it’s hard to find the words to describe it. It’s just a good escape, an escape that makes you want to stay forever. It's hard to leave paradise. Still, I will always have the memory of that goulash. And the apple strudel. The apple strudel was fantastic.
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